The Gift of Dignity

Conversations With Mom:

Mom: "For Mother's Day, I was going to get you some herbs to plant in your yard... but now you don't have a yard and I'm going to have to think of something else."

Me: "How about some dignity, mom? It doesn't even have to be new; you can simply give back the little bit you took just now."

Red Beans & Rice

Finally, I have found the perk of living with mama.

Here it is... dinner.

Red Beans & Rice cooked up just the way mama used to make it, by mama herself. I ate it... then I went back to locking myself in my room and listening to Blues.

Privacy Poop

It hasn't even been a week since I have moved in with my parents, and I already don't know if I am going to be able to make it. I have completely lost all privacy, and I can tell that my sanity isn't far behind. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I can't have more than a moment's peace. I know that people are naturally social animals, but can't a girl get a little solitude?

I was in the bathroom today - obviously, not pooping, because girls don't do that - and my mom stood outside the door and insisted on having a conversation with me. It wasn't that the topic was pressing. There was no emergency. She wasn't letting me know that there was a sudden zombie apocalypse. She wasn't there to tell me that the house was on fire. She was merely excited to have me cornered, unable to run away, and took advantage of the situation to talk to me.

I tried to be as cordial as a trapped person can be. I answered in one syllable yes or no style and uhdunno mumbles. Not getting the hint, my mom babbled on and on, stating obvious things like the time and the weather. She also proceeded to tell me all of the things that she hoped I would do today. Upon leaving the restroom, I promptly got in my bed and went to sleep. Take that productivity.

Penicillin Soap

Mom Quote:

I like to use this soap because it's antibiotic."

Why I Enjoy Hosting The Super Bowl Party

Written by Sherri Hicks

With the Super Bowl coming up I know that a ton of people are going to be having a party. I am no different, but I enjoy hosting my Super Bowl party for a couple of different reasons. However, the main focus is still on the quality game that will be played on my television. Other than the game the main reason that I enjoy hosting the Super Bowl party is that I get to control what kind of food is going to be served.

The food that I typically serve is your normal flair of food, but I usually have my own little twist that I put onto the food. That is what makes the difference, everyone else when I go to their parties usually has the food ordered and delivered to their home, which if you are like me is not that enjoyable because you can get that food any day of the week. Now for some people this is the best kind of food because they do not get to go out that often, but for me that food is standard and just tastes terrible.

However, the best part that I find is being able to sit down with my friends and watch the Super Bowl on the satellite tv we got after seeing one of these Promotions for new DirecTV customers and know that I will not lose the channel. The food that I make is just a huge positive.

Deep Wrinkle Cream

Conversations With Mom:

Mom: "Crystal! Come here! I want to give you something!"

Me: "Oooooh is it a present! Wait, is it a talking to?"

Mom: "It's this! This cream gets rid of DEEP WRINKLES!"

Me: "I have deep wrinkles? Do you have anything in there that gets rid of awkward moments?"

Get Your Life Together

Conversations With Dad:

Dad: "You car is a mess. Clean it out and get your life together."

Me: "I'm a 30 year old part-time salesperson who lives with my parents. I'd say my life is pretty well put together if the end goal is suicide."

Dad: [Insert unamused facial expression stemming from a combination of disgust and disappointment]