Circle of Fatness

If it seems to you that just about 2 or 3 times a year I commit to losing weight and then fall off the wagon, then you've got pretty average observation skills. I do it all the time. I think I am stuck in a cycle. You know what I think my problem is? I think I come on too strong in the beginning. I obsess. And then I fail. Or maybe my problem is that I have no will power. Well that can't be the problem because I had will power when I did my hCG diet. I had the will power to only eat 500 calories a day, but then I didn't have the will power to keep my weight down. I think it comes back to the whole "lifestyle change" thing...

I think I am probably pretty typical. If not typical of what goes on in the world then I am typical of what goes on in the world around me. My mom has been yo-yo dieting for the last 20 years. She was thin for much of my childhood, but always trying to lose weight. She never had a good self image. Even when she was so thin that you could see her shoulder bones sticking out of her clothes, she was trying to lose another 5 lbs. It probably didn't help that her mother-in-law kept calling her fat, but that is besides the point.

I was 8 when my brother was born and that was when my mom had trouble keeping her weight down. She lost it at first but after that it was up and down. I'm not saying that this is my mom's fault by any stretch of the imagination, but what I am saying is that I am caught in the same up and down weight loop that I have seen her suffer through for so long. I really don't want to go through everything that she has gone through. Out of desperation to see instant results she has eaten blocks of cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on a no carb diet. How she avoided getting gout is beyond me.

I don't want to be desperate. I don't want to suffer. And I don't want to be fat. But I don't know what to do about it? Just exercise and eating right. I guess that is all there is I can do... other than crash diet; I don't want to do that!

I have broken cycles in the past. Cycles of hurt, cycles of despair, etc. I know I can break this cycle, too. I know I can, I just don't know how...