Losing Weight Before Vacation!

Oh no! I realized something today! I'm less than two months away to a trip to Sacramento, CA for my cousin's wedding. That means I am going to be seeing my Asian side of the family. That means that I am going to need to get a $75,000 / year raise and lose about 60lbs to avoid ridicule.

I think I have the raise thing covered. I am going to go to an open house for a $300,000 home and take pictures and tell them it's mine. It doesn't even matter if there isn't any furniture in it because if I tell them I spent all the money on the house and have to sleep on the floor, I think that will be okay. Next, I have to rent a BMW and take some pictures of me driving it.

There isn't a way for me to fake the weight loss though. I don't think I can get to 60lbs in 2 months, but I'm prepared to wear a girdle if I can just get down small enough to fake it. I don't carry a lot of weight in my face, so I could also try to trim down a bit and fake being pregnant. Faking the pregnancy would be hard because eventually, I would have to fake a baby and I don't know how long I can keep up with a story like that.