Let's say I try and bite you. How much is it gonna hurt? I'm...

April 28, 2011

The Gift of Dignity

Conversations With Mom:

Mom: "For Mother's Day, I was going to get you some herbs to plant in your yard... but now you don't have a yard and I'm going to have to think of something else."

Me: "How about some dignity, mom? It doesn't even have to be new; you can simply give back the little bit you took just now."

Red Beans & Rice

Finally, I have found the perk of living with mama.

Here it is... dinner.

Red Beans & Rice cooked up just the way mama used to make it, by mama herself. I ate it... then I went back to locking myself in my room and listening to Blues.

Privacy Poop

It hasn't even been a week since I have moved in with my parents, and I already don't know if I am going to be able to make it. I have completely lost all privacy, and I can tell that my sanity isn't far behind. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I can't have more than a moment's peace. I know that people are naturally social animals, but can't a girl get a little solitude?

I was in the bathroom today - obviously, not pooping, because girls don't do that - and my mom stood outside the door and insisted on having a conversation with me. It wasn't that the topic was pressing. There was no emergency. She wasn't letting me know that there was a sudden zombie apocalypse. She wasn't there to tell me that the house was on fire. She was merely excited to have me cornered, unable to run away, and took advantage of the situation to talk to me.

I tried to be as cordial as a trapped person can be. I answered in one syllable yes or no style and uhdunno mumbles. Not getting the hint, my mom babbled on and on, stating obvious things like the time and the weather. She also proceeded to tell me all of the things that she hoped I would do today. Upon leaving the restroom, I promptly got in my bed and went to sleep. Take that productivity.

Penicillin Soap

Mom Quote:

I like to use this soap because it's antibiotic."

April 27, 2011

Why I Enjoy Hosting The Super Bowl Party

Written by Sherri Hicks

With the Super Bowl coming up I know that a ton of people are going to be having a party. I am no different, but I enjoy hosting my Super Bowl party for a couple of different reasons. However, the main focus is still on the quality game that will be played on my television. Other than the game the main reason that I enjoy hosting the Super Bowl party is that I get to control what kind of food is going to be served.

The food that I typically serve is your normal flair of food, but I usually have my own little twist that I put onto the food. That is what makes the difference, everyone else when I go to their parties usually has the food ordered and delivered to their home, which if you are like me is not that enjoyable because you can get that food any day of the week. Now for some people this is the best kind of food because they do not get to go out that often, but for me that food is standard and just tastes terrible.

However, the best part that I find is being able to sit down with my friends and watch the Super Bowl on the satellite tv we got after seeing one of these Promotions for new DirecTV customers and know that I will not lose the channel. The food that I make is just a huge positive.

April 24, 2011

Deep Wrinkle Cream

Conversations With Mom:

Mom: "Crystal! Come here! I want to give you something!"

Me: "Oooooh is it a present! Wait, is it a talking to?"

Mom: "It's this! This cream gets rid of DEEP WRINKLES!"

Me: "I have deep wrinkles? Do you have anything in there that gets rid of awkward moments?"

Get Your Life Together

Conversations With Dad:

Dad: "You car is a mess. Clean it out and get your life together."

Me: "I'm a 30 year old part-time salesperson who lives with my parents. I'd say my life is pretty well put together if the end goal is suicide."

Dad: [Insert unamused facial expression stemming from a combination of disgust and disappointment]

Housebear Relocation Program

I've moved back in with my parents.

End Transmission.

April 21, 2011

Move Out

Well, internet, the time has come. I can't afford to live in this house anymore; not by myself, anyway. So I am moving out this weekend. I am hoping that someone will be able to move in by May 1st so that I won't have to keep paying the rent while I'm not here anymore. I really, really hope. My landlord let me know that they have several potential renters and that many of them hope to be in by the 1st. I am so hopeful that everything works out.

Where am I moving to, you ask? Please don't rub it in. I'm moving back in with my parents. Things are going to be cramped in there. Caleb and I are going to be in one room. My sister moved back into my old room a few years ago, and my grandma and aunt Pam are going to be in another room for the Summer. That's 6 adults, 1 toddler, 2 dogs, and 11 cats. Okay, there aren't really 11 cats, but there are a lot and of course I am bringing Gingerbread Man Cat.

I am not looking forward to my loss of privacy, but in some ways, this move will be beneficial. Not only will I be saving money on rent, I'll be able to save for a car and pay off some debt. Also, it will make things easier on Caleb because I won't have to tote him back and forth for my mom to watch him while I work. Sometimes I would get off of work so late that I would have to wake him up in order to take him home. I always felt bad about that. Now, if I am home late, my mom can just put him right to bed.

Speaking of beds, that is one thing I am going to have to work out. It's important to me that Caleb has his own bed, even though we are sharing a room. I worked really hard to have him sleeping through the night in his own bed after only being a couple of months old. Now I fear that is in jeopardy. Both of our beds won't fit in the room that we will be sharing. I am hoping to be able to downsize his bed from a twin to a toddler bed. That will give us just a little more living space and every bit counts.

I should really be packing things and cleaning up right now, but I was just trying to kill some time while waiting for a phone call... oh well, guess the phone isn't going to ring tonight. It's back to cleaning and packing I go!

April 4, 2011


Mom: "Just put it in there, because I'm going to eat it"

Me: "Thatswhatshesaid!"

Mikey: "Uh! Yeah!"

Jena: "GET SOME!"

Me: "...owned..."

April 3, 2011

Valium, Please!

I'm not sure what is wrong with me lately, but I have been high strung, anxious, and maybe even a little paranoid. I have this feeling that something bad is going to happen. I really do have a lot to worry about, but I'm trying to remember that worrying isn't going to solve anything, only actions can solve things.

I called my landlords on the 1st of this month and told them that I plan to be out of the house by the end of the month. That gave me 30 days to get everything in order and out of the house. I have to pack everything up, shampoo the rugs, change some light bulbs and touch up some paint. It doesn't sound like a lot, but I also have to work, and mother, and then do all of those things around the house by myself.

I will be moving in with my parents and there are a lot of things that I won't be able to take with me. Some of them I don't even want anymore, like my futon; but, some of them I do, like my TV. I think I will be making a stop on Craigslist to see if I can get rid of some of this stuff. I'll probably post the links on here when I do...

I just wish I could stick my head in the sand for just one day... Once, I went to the doctor about my nerves. I was asking for something temporary, not long term. Just a little something to help me through a rough patch, but she seemed to think I was high strung anyway and wanted to put me on paxil, or something like that - I don't remember. I was a little offended by that recommendation since it was our very first meeting! How could she get to know how I am on a regular basis based off of an appointment that was only to establish care? Especially when I was telling her that I was having some abnormal nerve issues? Blah.

April 2, 2011

All I Am Saying, Is Give Windows Phone 7 A Chance

In an irritating turn of events, my iPhone 3GS was replaced with a Samsung Focus. My first frustration was that I had trouble getting the phone to tether, since Microsoft had not released this yet. Good ol' Samsung had it deep in the dark places of it's phone. I have to say - that is one of the things I love about Samsung. They build so many great features into their phones that other manufacturers leave to the mobile carrier to supply... at a cost.

Now that the tether problem is solved, I am much happier with the phone, but there are still some things that are lacking and driving me nuts! First off, no multitasking? Not even fake multitasking? Not even pausing an application in the background and making me think that I'm multitasking? Yes, I tolerated this with the iPhone at first, and so I am going to give WP7 a chance to make it up to me. I just thought they would have learned from their predecessors and had a multitasking update ready to go sooner after the OS released.

Is it just me or does the battery take FOREVER to charge? It seems so absurd that I am going to have warranty replace my battery. This really doesn't seem right at all.

No custom ringtones. Really? Not from the mobile carrier's app center? Not from the marketplace? Not from anywhere? There isn't even a way to take my own songs and turn them into ringtones? There isn't even a way to take my voice recordings and turn them into ringtones? There isn't even a way to record my voice? Well, to be fair, there really is an app for doing that, but it costs 99 cents.

Perfect segue into my rant about the app store. Only 9,000 apps... That's like - what - 2.5% of what Apple has? Okay, so it's a new OS and we can't expect them to compete with the 350,000 right off the bat, but with 100 new apps a day, you'd think at least one of them would be useful to me. I just have to ask myself, are those 32,000 developers making anything that I am going to be able to use to improve my life? And are they going to cost me an arm and a leg? Oh! But, BONUS I love being able to bill to my AT&T account for my apps that I purchase. I really do love, love, love that.

Other awesome things include: Super AMOLED display on the Sammysung, Micro USB charger instead of some proprietary snob-job, 5.0 mpx camera with flash, and the keyboard sounds like horsies clip-clopping when I type.

April 1, 2011

Oh, Oh, Oh, OMG

OMGsh! Who scored tickets to the Usher Concert in May? I DID! Who scored Suite tickets to the Usher concert in May? That would be ME again! A friend of mine got tickets from a vendor and he did me the extreme favor of giving me some of them to go and take some friends.

I can't believe it! I have been pestering him about the tickets for almost 2 months, since I first heard that Usher was going to be coming to town. Finally, all of that pestering paid off because yesterday he told me that he got them! Then today he called and said he got some more!

I've been doing an inventory on all of my frieneds lately, and you know what I discovered? They are all super cool!

Springtime At Pier 1

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Pier 1 for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

All across the US, people are celebrating the arrival of Spring. All across the US, except in the Pacific Northwest. It's been raining non stop since the official first day of Spring, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to let up anytime soon.

Fortunately, i have a large covered back porch,and so I don't have to let the rain get me down. I can still spend time outside under my porch, even while the rain pitter patters all around the lawn. <p>With the weather warming up, and by warming up, I mean not bitterly cold, we are all longing to get some fresh air. I've been spending more time outside recetly, despite the rain. I've been looking online at Pier 1 to see what they have for outdoor furniture. Exciting news! It's not just outdoor furniture, it's indoor/outdoor furniture! I love this stuff!

What I love about indoor/outdoor furniture is that it looks more inviting than traditional patio furniture. No longer do we have to have metal frames and plastic cushions. We can now have a fashionable and comfortable looking and feeling outdoor living space. Not just tables, and chairs, but couches, swings, rugs and even artwork. Why should paintings only be hung on the inside of your home!

Don't have the time or the money to completely overhaul your backyard furnishings? That's alright, Pier 1 has some awesome items that will spruce up your look in no time flat. How about adding hanging lanterns or decorative votives to your outdoor living space? The Butterfly Umbrella Centerpiece is only $15 and allows for a centerpiece on a patio table with an umbrella in place. There is a space in the middle of the ring of votives for the umbrella to stick through so you can have pretty little tea lights and the umbrella at the same time. I think the most striking way to make a big difference to your patio is with an Outdoor Floor Lantern. It's like a Floor lamp for the outdoors that holds candles. So Uber Cute!

For those of you who are lucky enough to live in a place where Springtime has already started, You should check to see if Pier 1 is having a Pier 1 Tweetups event in your area. ATL and NYC are coming up in April, so check it out!

Visit Sponsor&apos;s Site


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