Day 11

This is getting kind of ridiculous. I have worked out 10 of the last 11 days. I have counted my calories. I have eaten healthy foods. I have been dedicated and true. And no amount of science or explanation can make me feel good about being hungry, sore, and tired, and NOT losing weight!

I was 192 when I weighed in this morning. STILL above where I was a couple of days in to working out. STILL at my starting weight. What am I supposed to do? Keep going? Is it a coincidence that I heard this on 4 different occasions over the last 2 days: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Isn't that what I am doing? Working out, counting calories, and expecting to lose weight when I haven't?

Oh, and just so we are prefectly clear... that is NOT the definition of insanity.

in·san·i·ty noun \in-ˈsa-nə-tē\
plural in·san·i·ties

Definition of INSANITY

1 : a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)

2 : such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility

3 a : extreme folly or unreasonableness
b : something utterly foolish or unreasonable

Geeze that stupid saying drives me crazy.

Why am I gaining weight in week 2 of my new exercise program? - The (Real) ANSWER!

I was looking for the reason I was gaining weight by searching the internet. What I found was a bunch of people in a bunch of forums complaining about the same problem, and a bunch of their peers giving their best guess. Most of the answers were "Muscle weighs more than fat", which as I said before is not an acceptable answer for me. I did not gain 4 pounds of muscle in 3 days.

Finally I found a link to an article (which I have posted below), and thank goodness! After reading the article it makes more sense as to why my harder workouts are making me gain weight on the scale. It's not because of my hard workout from yesterday or the day before, but it's from the whole new workout routine. As usual, when it takes me forever to find the answer to something on the internet, I always share it so that hopefully, you will stumble upon my search first and find the answer without wasting your time like I did.


You sometimes gain weight when starting a new exercise program

Weird Cravings

It's still day 10 of my stupid diet/workout lifestyle and I just noticed this morning that I am having weird cravings. So far I have craved Boca Burger (which I can satisfy because it is chopped up in my lunch today), Beef Stroganoff, and Sausage Pizza. Does that mean that I am craving protein?

Day 10 LOSING MY MIND

I thought I was supposed to be losing weight, not losing my mind! I have been working so hard to stay within my calorie goal and to work out everyday, and today I weighed in at 193! 193! That is more than I weighed before I started this whole thing! So I not only lost weight and gained it back, and then kept it, but you're telling me that I gained a full pound?! Are you SERIOUS?

This is a chart of my caloric intake. A real chart; not one where I fudged the numbers. There it is in black and white and it should mean that I should be losing weight, not maintaining it, and most definitely not gaining it.

Now here is a chart of my weight. You have to ignore the steady part. It looks like I maintained the same weight before this, but that is just because it assumes I did. I have only been checking in on my weight for 10 days, not a month. Anyway, as you can see, the two charts just do NOT jive! And please for the love of Pete, don't give me that "muscle weighs more than fat" talk because I am clearly not gaining any muscle. Not 5 lbs of muscles that's for gosh darned sure!

I'm Still at it

I can't believe that I am still doing this stupid diet. Outside of hCG I have never stuck with a diet or exercise plan this long before. Usually, I burn myself out. I guess that is why I have never hit this kind of week 2 slump before.

Years of watching The Biggest Loser have taught me that it is really hard to lose weight the 2nd week for some reason. I don't know why and I'm not even sure that it matters, but what I do know is that it happens to them and it's happening to me. I guess I will keep going.

I woke up with a cold today and I'm not sure what is more important, resting and letting my body heal from this cold, or working out to burn calories. I think I will do a VERY , VERY light workout, just to burn a few calories and then I will go to bed early and get lots of rest.

Day 9 - Grrrrrr

That scale is not my friend! It weighed me at 191 today! I did another hard workout yesterday and my body won't let go of the weight! My workouts have increased from a half hour everyday to an hour everyday and I think my body is protesting. This sucks.

I have noticed that I have been feeling different. A little more confident and better about myself. That's nice and I really enjoy it even if its has no real merit.

Day 8 - stupid scale

Remember how I had that super hard workout yesterday? Well it sucked. Not just at the time I was doing it, but this morning when I weighed myself I was all the way back to 192; BARF!

I know my swollen muscles are retaining water after an extra hard workout. Betcha didn't know that I knew science. Even so, I don't like seeing that number and had high hopes that I would be another pound closer to my goal.

Day 7

Since I got the Zombies, Run app, working out is a little less boring but still time consuming and very uncomfortable.

I did mysteriously lose another pound. I now weigh 189. That seems like it can't be true. I thought you were supposed to only lose 2 pounds a week.

Anyway, today is the 7th day which means that is one full week. Omgsh and I had to work out an HOUR tonight because not only did I skip yesterday but I ate a flipping piece of birthday cake today and lemme tell ya, it was NOT worth it.

Speaking of Zombies

I came across an app on my iPhone called "Zombies, Run!" And I love it. It's a story about zombies that you listen to in your headphones when you run. As you run you pick up supplies that you use to build up your community. I've used it twice so far at it is awesome.

Usually it's $8, but I found out its on sale for half off until Halloween! Otherwise I wouldn't have paid so much for it.

Why My Body Thinks We Are Currently Experiencing a Zombie Apocalypse

I tried drinking water. I tried putting lemon in it. But this isn't me just feeling a little uncomfortable, this is my stomach growling and groaning for food. My body is in total shock about what is happening here. As far as my body knows, we are in deep trouble.

Why My Body Thinks We Are Currently Experiencing a Zombie Apocalypse

• Our food intake has been cut short - clearly, we are rationing supplies.
• We are working out - obviously, this means we are getting fit to survive
• We are running for up to 45 minutes straight - which without a doubt means we are running for our very lives while being chased by hordes of flesh-eating zombies!

My poor body...

I'm so Hungry

A haiku about my stupid new life style change

I am so starving.
I am so hungry.
Working out makes me eat more.
My body craves food.

No, seriously, I am sitting here and my stomach is audibly protesting my breakfast. I had half a grapefruit and a slice of sourdough bread with half an ounce of cheese. Half an ounce. Infants eat more than half an ounce. That all equals to roughly 280 calories, which is a not-so-bad breakfast, but it wasn't enough. I am so hungry that all I can do is watch the clock and pray for lunch.

Day 6

I lost another pound so now I am 190 even. That is still a hunk-o-chunk.

I still really dislike working out. Nothing makes the clock tick slower than sweating. But I find that I have to work out if I want to eat anything. I ate an extra helping at dinner last night and had to add an extra 15 minutes on to my workout. BLECH.

Day 5

I have lost one pound and now weigh 191. That still sucks.

I have worked out everyday, but I still don't feel better. I don't have any extra energy and I don't like it even a little bit more than I did before. Working out is still difficult and time consuming and uncomfortable.

Day 4

I have been eating healthy, fresh foods and consuming less than 1,200 net calories a day, and working out for 4 days.

My weight is the same -- 192lbs. There. I said it.

I don't feel any different, except for the soreness from working out. I don't have more energy. I still prefer to sleep in than to work out. I still think exercise is boring.

Just thought I would check in and let you know how things are going.

Circle of Fatness

If it seems to you that just about 2 or 3 times a year I commit to losing weight and then fall off the wagon, then you've got pretty average observation skills. I do it all the time. I think I am stuck in a cycle. You know what I think my problem is? I think I come on too strong in the beginning. I obsess. And then I fail. Or maybe my problem is that I have no will power. Well that can't be the problem because I had will power when I did my hCG diet. I had the will power to only eat 500 calories a day, but then I didn't have the will power to keep my weight down. I think it comes back to the whole "lifestyle change" thing...

I think I am probably pretty typical. If not typical of what goes on in the world then I am typical of what goes on in the world around me. My mom has been yo-yo dieting for the last 20 years. She was thin for much of my childhood, but always trying to lose weight. She never had a good self image. Even when she was so thin that you could see her shoulder bones sticking out of her clothes, she was trying to lose another 5 lbs. It probably didn't help that her mother-in-law kept calling her fat, but that is besides the point.

I was 8 when my brother was born and that was when my mom had trouble keeping her weight down. She lost it at first but after that it was up and down. I'm not saying that this is my mom's fault by any stretch of the imagination, but what I am saying is that I am caught in the same up and down weight loop that I have seen her suffer through for so long. I really don't want to go through everything that she has gone through. Out of desperation to see instant results she has eaten blocks of cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on a no carb diet. How she avoided getting gout is beyond me.

I don't want to be desperate. I don't want to suffer. And I don't want to be fat. But I don't know what to do about it? Just exercise and eating right. I guess that is all there is I can do... other than crash diet; I don't want to do that!

I have broken cycles in the past. Cycles of hurt, cycles of despair, etc. I know I can break this cycle, too. I know I can, I just don't know how...

Saving for Disneyland

45 Days.

45 Days until we get on a plane and go to Disneyland!

I cannot believe it! I am so excited! We have a very loose daily plan of where we are going to be and what we are going to do. I want to be able to drop everything and switch plans if Caleb says he wants to go somewhere or do something else. I want to be able to take him to nice places to eat. I want to take him on a magical birthday getaway. And although I am sure that I will have to tell him, "no" about some thing or another, I really don't want to.

I am a little stressed about saving spending money. Since I want to be able to take him out to Medieval Times and to Rain Forest Cafe and I want to be able to buy him souvenirs. And I don't want to stress out about it. I am trying so hard to save money, but it's hard.

I only get paid once a month, which means that I only get paid one more time before we leave! Plus, I have Caleb's Halloween Party coming up this weekend. I am trying to save money while spending money... It's tough! I am pretty sure that I can get it done, but -whew- it won't be easy!