Let's say I try and bite you. How much is it gonna hurt? I'm...

November 5, 2009

The Bright Side

Things are looking up, internet... Things are looking up.

Also, I would like to share a Mom Quote.

David Copperfield's style happens to be very appealing to Michael!"

November 2, 2009

Mom Quotes #1

I am starting a new blog series called Mom Quotes. These are all quotes from my rather hilarious mother.

Today's Quote:

Don't be hatin' "

October 27, 2009

Hi Q Haiku

Welcome to my blog
This is my one hundredth post
And its just for you

Satisfying Moment of the Day

Guy you haven't seen since High School gives you a second look, and then waits for you to recognize him... which of course, you pretend not to do.

A little eyebrow waggle, a little crooked smile. Do I remember you or not? I guess you'll never know. Mwa ha ha ha ha!

October 26, 2009

My 2010 Hunting Plans

Don't think for one moment that I have given up on my hunting plans. I am bound and determined to kill something and mount it's head on my wall. Right above my fire place; its going to be great. I have decided that since I have already missed the deadline to go hunting THIS year, I am going to spend the next 11 months preparing myself for my big kill NEXT year. In regards to that, I do have some good news and some bad news.

Bad news: There is no "Elk Hunting For Dummies" book; I checked.

Good news: There is this website: ElkHuntingTips.net

The top thing on my new list of things to do in preparation of my hunting trip is to physically condition myself.

New List
1. Become physically capable of surviving a few days in harsh winter elk-hunting conditions.
2. Learn to shoot a gun accurately.

I decided to make this the second thing on my list because shooting a bull elk is pointless if you aren't strong enough to haul it out of the woods. Its also pointless if you die of hypothermia while you're out there with it. While I don't anticipate having a problem with gutting the elk, I would like to avoid having to crawl inside of it's guts to keep warm like Luke Skywalker.

In light of that I begin my new physical training regiment today. I am using the ElkHuntingTips.net website that I mentioned earlier as a reference. Here is their advice on physical fitness, and it seems logical enough.

Small change of subject. My mother insists that I am not going to kill an elk. -All the more reason to go hunting- her comment:

You can just go to the store and buy a steak."

Quite obviously not the same thing.
Now I have a whole new reason to embark on my hunting trip... spite.

October 25, 2009

Chicken Pot Pie

Since I can't go hunting this year, I am going to settle for making homemade chicken pot pie...

Insert Angry Face

Stupid hunting laws. It's too late to get elk tags. I'm going to look into getting a tribal card so I can hunt WHATEVER I want WHENEVER I want. And pay homage to my ancestors, of course.

Hunting Season

I want to hunt an elk. I am totally sold on the idea.

I am sure that I can do it. All you have to do is stay warm, be patient, point the gun at it, and shoot. Easy as pie! I told my friend, Zac that I want to go and he says he knows a spot. So that means I can cross off "Find a spot" from my list... See?

1. Find a spot
2. Find a gun
3. Learn to use said gun
4. Get warm boots
5. Knit orange hat and scarf
6. Get days off of work
7. Go into woods
8. Possibly sit in a tree
9. Honk like an elk
10. Shoot elk
11. Gut elk
12. Butcher elk
13. Pay dentist's dad to mount head of dead elk for my living room.
14. Eat elk burgers... YUM!

So, I think I am going to need a considerable amount of money. Let's see... $250-$300 to mount the head... and... that's all I know about the cost of hunting. How much are those boots? Can't I just wear wool socks and galoshes? I already have orange yarn courtesy of Cindy, and waterproof camo stuff courtesy of Shawn's stint in the Marine Corps.

How many elk do you have to kill before you are ready to hunt bear? Which one tastes better? Are turkeys easy to hunt? I think they would be; they look dumb. I want to kill my Thanksgiving meal. Zac just told me that you hunt turkeys in the spring... then why the heck is Thanksgiving in November?! This is an outrage!!!

October 23, 2009


You will never believe this, but Shawn just brought home a semi-functioning computer. His work set him up with it a long time ago, but it was all locked up and they only recently got it working for him. The screen is broken and flashes down the middle, but hey, look! I'm on the internet and I am pleased as punch about that. Now if only I had something to say....

October 17, 2009

Today I feel like I'm so fat that my body is resting on top of itself.
I wish I could saunter. I don't think I'm graceful enough for that.

October 16, 2009

I'm behind a suby that has a bale of hay and 2 coolers on top of it. Any ideas where it might be going?

October 3, 2009

Omgsh! The Slim Cessna show was so great that I almost did a live blog.

August 11, 2009

Happy Birthday to Shawn

Happy Birthday, Shawn! Today is Shawn's birthday; he turns 31. I wanted to take him out to dinner, but he said he's rather wait until the weekend. Yesterday I got him a very impressive telescope from Costco. It's the kind that you can punch in a star or constellation and the telescope points itsself there automatically. He has no idea! Teehee! Also, I am taking him to Rooster Rock State Park (not the nudist colony part) to go to a star gazing event! I hope he likes it!

Work and the Amazing Email

Hi, Internet.

I just wanted to stop by to let you know that work is going great! I am just being my normal, helpful self, and customers are loving it! Our customers get telephone surveys periodically, asking about the service that was proved to them when they came in. So far, all of my customers have given me top ratings. Most recently, a nice woman left some wonderful voice comments about how much she loves me and would refer her friends and family to me. This apparently caught the eye of some important manager of something, who emailed me to say good job.

At first I didn't think much of it. I just thought that people were trying to congratulate and motivate a new employee. Turns out its a pretty big deal to catch his eye. Guess I'm on the radar now; so much for flying low. So far my customers seem pretty happy with me. I'm on lunch right now and I spilled some curry on my shirt. Hopefully that doesn't make anyone change their mind. You know how fickle the public can be.

July 31, 2009

Perseid Meteor Shower

Does anyone know a good place to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower in or around the Portland area? I know that OMSI is having a big ol' star gazing party at Rooster Rock state park, but I was wanting to do something a little more private. The shower is happening after midnight on the night of Shawn's birthday and I thought it would be cool to take him to a nice romantic spot and watch the meteors.

Shawn loves to look up and watch the stars and he has always wanted to watch the meteor showers in the summer, but we could never really see them from our place. I was thinking that maybe I could find a place on the Washington State side of the gorge. Rooster Rock was such a good idea because there aren't a lot of trees and you can see so much of the sky. Leave up to OMSI to take a great idea and make it public so that everyone can enjoy the show. sheesh.

I was thinking that Beacon Rock would be a cool place, but there are lots of trees and also the 2nd largest rock in the world blocking the view. Even on top of the rock there are a lot of trees. What about Bonneville Damn? Anyone been there lately? Can you go hang out there after dark? I don't know anyone who travels out that way a lot.

July 30, 2009

Lunch Break

I'm on my lunch break at work. What's on the menu today? Left over pizza. It doesn't sound very exciting, but I am trying to save money by bringing my lunch everyday. So far, I calculate my savings at around 50 bucks. I am trying to look on the bright side of things because I was really not very excited about bringing left over pizza today. Especially since there is an increadible deli around the corner that makes wonderful sandwiches on amazing bread. Gene's Deli on Barbur Blvd in Portland - check it out.

July 29, 2009


I have some down time in between training courses right now and
I want to tell you more about our trip to the aquarium in Newport, OR. Yay! Shawn wanted to take Caleb and me to lunch at Mo's in Lincoln City, so that was our first destination. We made great time driving from Portland, but right around the off ramp to get into town, traffic came to a dead stop. It was SO frustrating to be able to see where you want to go, but not be able to get there. I came up with a new "car rule".

Car Rule #1

If you are sitting in traffic, you're not allowed to talk about it.

Once we got to the restaurant, we discovered it was packed. Once we sat down and got our food, we discovered why. That stuff is good! When they say that they have the best clam chowder, they really mean it! It was so good I wanted to eat there again on the way home (but we didn't). next time i go, i am ordering the biggest bowl of clam chowder you can get!

After we ate, we started driving toward Newport; keeping our eyes open for nice beachy spots along the way. Caleb had never seen the ocean before and we wanted to be sure that his first experience would involve lots of waves and sand. We passed by an awesome place; I think it was called Fogarty park. It was so pretty there was even a wedding going on near by! The waves were huge and they were crashing all over this big rock near the shore that people were climbing on. Caleb found a seashell and used it as a shovel to dig in the sand. He buried his feet and dumped sand on Shawn. We really enjoyed ourselves there, but the day was passing us by and we wanted to have lots of time at the aquarium, so we left.

Caleb was very unhappy to get back in the car, and very pleased to get out once we got to the aquarium. He loved it as soon as we got inside. They have life-size plastic fish hanging from the ceiling as if they are swimming over your head. He was pointing at them in amazement and was actually the one who brought them to my attention. He really took the whole place in.

The first real fish he saw were the lion fish. He called them "rarr fish". He also really liked the jelly fish, and he toyed around with saying the word jelly, but eventually decided that a fish is a fish and what kind didn't matter to him -- except the rarr fish, of course. He got to pet a baby sting ray and also a baby shark that he tried to pull out of the water by it's fin. We walked through 2 tunnels where fish are swimming around you all over, even underneath. You could see them from the glass floor, which all of the kids, including Caleb, found very cool. A 3rd tunnel was filled with all different kinds of sharks! Caleb really liked that as well because he has some shark toys and pajamas at home and he recognized the animal.

After the aquarium, we started heading home. We had driven for about an hour when Shawn suddenly realized that he didn't have his wallet! Not only that, but the last time he had seen it was about 4 hours earlier when he stopped to get directions to the aquarium! To top it off he had left it on a stairwell in an alley behind a building AND it had $350.00 CASH inside that we were supposed to use to pay back his dad. We called the Ripley's Believe it or Not and they said that someone had found it! The person found it in the back alley/stairwell/parking lot area and turned it in to the front desk at the wax works. The guy working the desk called the manager who told him to put it in the lost and found, but he said that there was cash in it, so they put it in their safe. By the time we got the wallet back, it was 5 hours after we lost it and all of the cash was still there!!! We had asked God for just one honest person to find it and instead he gave us 3 in a row! AMAZING!

Very Quickly

I don't have a lot of time, so please excuse any typos or run on sentences and the like. I wanted to write a quick blog and say that last weekend, Shawn and i took Caleb to the newport aquarium. It was so much fun! caleb saw the ocean for the first time and he absolutely loved watching the animals in the aquarium. he ran from tank to tank saying, "fish, fish fish" and he even got to pet a shark and a sting ray.

Today at work i got my business cards, name badge and photo ID badge
I'll post a picture of the photo because its funny.

Gotta go!

July 28, 2009

Taking Care of Business

So far, I have had a pretty productive day. I am still in training for my new job, and on my break I made a doctor appointment, and a dentist appointment for Caleb. He is NOT going to be very happy about the dentist appointment. It doesn't have anything to do with the actual dentist visit itself, but the time of the visit. We are going to miss the garbage truck (or garbage car, as he calls it)! Oh well, he will just have to wait until the next week to see the garbage car.

I am so happy to have a schedule with set days off. It was so easy to make those appointments because I knew that I would be available all day on every Monday. So far this company has really treated me right, and I haven't even done anything to desrve it yet!

July 27, 2009


Hi Internet,
Today I started my last week of training for my new job. That means that next week I will start out on the sales floor. The training has been nice, but for some reason I still feel like I am going to be thrown out of a plane without a parachute. It's just scary to think that next week I will have to interact with customers who are going to assume that I know a lot more than what I really do. I wonder how many times I will have to say, "this is my first day / week / month", or "I'm still kinda new here".

I just hate not knowing stuff. I like to know all of the ends and outs of things so that I can answer any question that is thrown at me. Plus, there are always those 'one-uppers' that come into the store wanting to show off all of their techy lingo and ability to back you into a corner. Arg. Those people drive me crazy. They just want to try and stump you and make you feel dumb. It happened a lot at Gamestop, but I knew all of the product inside and out. It happened a little bit at WAMU, but I knew all of the federal banking laws that pertained to my job. This is a whole new industry, and things are going to be really difficult for me just starting out.

I'm pretty nervous about it, if you can't tell.

July 17, 2009


Hello, Internet!

i just finished up my first week at my awesome new job. They gave me a sweet new phone with a web browser and all sorts of other stuff. I thought Shawn's job was cooler because he got a laptop today, but the screen is busted and they didn't give him the password to log on, so I guess my job wins!

July 15, 2009

I'm Back, Baby!

No, I didn't get a computer, but I got something just as good. I got a smart phone! Not just any smart phone, but the new Nokia E71x.

Work has been alright. I miss Caleb a lot while I am there and I don't get to see him for very long after I get home. I am pretty excited to get into the store and start selling stuff.

I have to go to bed earlier these days, which includes right now. G'night!

July 14, 2009

Day 2

Hi Internet.
Sorry I didn't update last night after work. Once I got home, all I wanted to do was relax. I'm back in class today and have a little down time while people are finishing up some training.

I car pooled to work today - how environmentally friendly of me!

OOH! Also, today I get to go to the mall with my brother and pick out a sparkly anniversary gift for my sister in law! They are celebrating their first wedding anniversary this week. How EXCITING!

July 13, 2009

Almost Done

Almost done for the day. I just took the picture for my employee badge. YUCK. Oh well. I wonder if I lose more weight if they will let me retake it?

New Job

Hey, Internet.
I can't really talk right now. I am at orientation for my new job. I will try to do a mobile update later to let you all know about it. I have been in s super great mood lately with the new house and the new job. I was anxious last night, but now that I am here, I am pretty relaxed. I'm in training with another person who will be in the store that I am in, so it will be cool to already know someone when I get there. Well we are just about ready to move on to the next part of the course. I will check back in later.

July 4, 2009

Humming Bird Siting

A humming bird came into my yard today! He buzzed in, looked around, and when he didn't find a humming bird feeder he have me a sort of ''how dare you'' look and then he zipped away. Needless to say I went straight out and got a humming bird feeder. I hope he returns tomorrow.
Our house warming party was yesterday. We barbecued some chicken and had a bon fire. The kids roasted marshmellows and the adults sat under the shade of a near by maple tree. A squirrel scampered by to check is out and i opted out of making friends with him. My mom fed a squirrel who ended up being a mama squirrel. The babies are close to eating out of my mom's hands but they are really destroying her garden. I think I'll stick with the humming bird.
Right now i am lounging by the pool. The wading pool, that is. Caleb is soaking up the last of the warm setting sun and the dogs are stopping by every once in a while for a drink. Good grief. My son just lapped up water from the pool like a dog. Gross.

June 30, 2009

A Dream Come True

Dear Internet,
right now i am sitting on my back porch in the sunshine reading a book. Seriously, this is like a dream come true for me. I always wanted to enjoy my own tiny back yard back at the condo. Who cares if it was only 100 square feet? It wasn't the size that prevented me from enjoying myself. It was the 4 ft high cyclone fence and neighbors everywhere you look. It was a complete lack of privacy. But not here.

Here I sit in privacy soaking up the sun. My birds are on the porch next to me splashing around in a bowl of water. My dogs are lying down at my feet; one sun bathing the other chewing a stick. A butterfly just fluttered by, no kidding.

This is great.

June 24, 2009

Make it Stop!

It is official. I can't stand packing or moving. We have been at this since Sunday but it feels like it has been months. Even though most of the house is packed up and moved over I still feel really defeated. The only things left to move are the things in our room, all the big furniture, and all those little random things that live on the bottom of the closet because they have no official home. I will be so happy when all of this is over!

June 22, 2009

Quick update

Hi, Internet. I can't talk long but I wanted to update you on a few things. I got a new job working in a mobile phone retail store. I haven't started yet, but they said they want me to come work for them and I am really excited. I will probably be working there in a week or two, after all of the new hire paperwork / background check goes through.

We signed the lease on the rental house last night. It's very thrilling. We have been moving stuff in for the last couple of days. It took me all day to move the kitchen over, but it is now over there almost 100%. Actually, the last carload of kitchen stuff is in my car as we speak. I am just about ready to bring it over there. It is taking a little longer than you might think because I am unpacking as I go. I don't know if we will make the entire move by Friday, but I think we will probably at least be living in the new house by then. Things will go a lot faster when we have a truck, I'm sure. It's slow going now because our car can only hold 3 or 4 small sized boxes at a time.

Today has been really hectic. Caleb flushed a spoon and a fork down the toilet, the dog stepped in poop and tracked it into the house. I discovered this upon stepping in the poop myself. Finally, things are cleaned up, Caleb is fed, and I am leaving him at Nana's house while I move some stuff. The fork and the spoon are still in the toilet. I'll have to take care of that later.

June 13, 2009

The Good, The Bad, and The Tearful

What a rollercoaster I have been on in the last 24 hours!

Good News: We got the rental house and we move in 2 weeks!

Bad News: We don't know what we are going to do with our condo and it will probably foreclose.

Tearful: I cried at work today in front of both my bosses and 2 of my coworkers.

Work was so hard today. It was hard to be away from my son all day. It was hard to leave him before he even woke up and then not see him again until dinner time. I knocked on 188 doors today, talked to 33 people, got ZERO leads. The thing that upset me the most was the 155 people that didn't answer the door. I really saw that as 155 opportunities to talk to people that I didn't get. I know it's not a controllable thing, but it was really, REALLY upsetting. I don't think I can stress to you enough how overwhelming and stressful this job is. I am determined to NOT be overcome by this job! I am way to strong willed and hard headed for that!

As I mentioned before, we were approved on the rental house. Yay! We are so excited! There is a lot of nervousness and uneasiness as well because we haven't sold the condo yet. We can't afford to make both the payments, so we are just going to not pay and try to sell it as fast as possible. I am just praying constantly that everything will work out. I don't know what else to say about that.

Shawn and I asked our friend Zac to move into the house with us. He really wanted to, but he is too kind-hearted to leave his current roommate / childhood friend high and dry without someone to help with the bills. I am going to continue to persuade him with my cooking abilities in case he finds himself in a position to move. If we had a roommate I could quit this abusive and ridiculous job. An abusive and ridiculous job that I am deeply and truly grateful to have, that is.

June 11, 2009

New Beginnings

I don't want to brag, Internet, but I am pretty awesome at my new job. Well, at least that is what they tell me. Apparently I am the best they have seen in a long time. The trainer kept telling me that I am going to be phenomenal at selling windows; more specifically, window appointments. My job is to schedule appointments for the salespeople to go to on the following day. The trainer said he thinks I will make a lot of money. He said he would even bet money on it. No one was willing to take him up on the bet, so I think that is a good sign as well.

I got a call back on the rental house today. Things are looking alright. Amy said that as far as the application looks, they can move ahead in the rental process. If the rest of the screenings go well, we could be moving in by the weekend. Good News: The potential landlords are not going to make us pay $50 bucks for a background check, (because they recognize no man according to the flesh) and they aren't going to make us pay $60 for the credit score. Bad News: They do however want to look at the credit report. I pulled up our credit report on www.annualcreditreport.com which is the government website where you can get your free annual credit report. Thinks are looking grim my Internet friend. This thing is littered with closed accounts and overdue balances. I can only pray that God and the landlords will have mercy on us.

"Times are hard, getting harder. I'm born to lose and destined to fail." -- Mike Ness

June 10, 2009


Hi, Internet.

Nothing is new. I just wanted to say that I am feeling rather blue about having to go to work tomorrow. It's so strange to think that tomorrow I will feed Caleb breakfast and then I won't see him again until dinner time. I'm not complaining because I know that is life. I know there are hundreds of thousands of moms who would rather stay home, but they have to work. I know I am just one among the ranks of many. Still, it saddens me. Knowing that I am in the same boat as countless others doesn't make me feel any better about leaving my son to work. I just pray this is temporary and that it all works out for the best.

Knock, Knock

Who's there? It's me - your friendly door-to-door window salesman?

Yup, that's right, Internet. I got a job. I am a door-to-door window salesman. They send me to 150 houses a day trying to get leads for the people who make the real money. It's not a bad deal though. I just hand out a flier, say a speech, call in the referral and that's it.

Some other good news; Shawn's work is hiring. I sent in my resume and cover letter today. He told them that I was interested and they said they would take a look at my stuff. I think that I would really rather work there. It's mostly office work; filing, customer follow up, invoices, and other stuff I would totally rock doing. I start the door-to-door job tomorrow, but I would leave it in a heart beat for this other place.

Here is some more news; I'm not sure if it's good or bad yet. Since I got the job we (technically on some small level)are qualified to rent the house we really want. The good news is that the landlords are friends of ours. Hopefully that means they are willing to overlook the massive blows our credit score has taken over the last few months. I told them not to feel obligated; no pressure. If they deny us, I would totally understand. Although it does appear that we have a good chance at getting the place because no one else has applied for it.

Keep your phalanges crossed, and send prayers this way.

June 8, 2009

Tomorrow: The Zoo

Hi Internet,

Not a lot is new these days, but I thought that I would check in with you and just let you know that I'm alright. My Aunt Pam and Maw Maw (just one of the many ways to say "grandma" in the south) are in town still. Tomorrow we are going to go to the Portland Zoo. It's not really anything special, but Caleb loves it and the 2nd Tuesday of every month is a 2 dollar Tuesday. Admission is only 2 bucks and it's worth the trip to get in for that price.

Although, I should warn you, if you go during Summer break, chaos ensues. My brother, Brian, and I took Caleb to the last $2.00 Tuesday of the Summer last year and had a minor altercation with a crazy lady. We ended up calling the cops after she threatened us. Even the 911 operator was laughing at our description of her. "Crazy ass white lady; dressed like a crack head" The good news is that the cop got there in just a few minutes, and he introduced us to a secret short cut to the zoo.

Hopefully tomorrow won't be so crowded. School isn't out yet and so I think we will be good to go. I already packed the lunches and got everything together, so we will be ready to leave in the afternoon without having to work all morning.

Speaking of working all morning - I cleaned the house SO well today and it only took Caleb a few minutes to trash it. I swear our place is just too small for the 3 of us. I am running out of places to hide things.

Well I will talk to you later, internet. I will probably be tweeting a lot at the zoo, so if you want to see what is going on check me out on Twitter. You can follow the links or type www.twitter.com/CrystalBoyes in your browser.

June 5, 2009

Sky Net Human Resources?

Hey, Internet,

I'm trying to get an interview at Macy's today. I filled out an application online 2 days ago. Yesterday they emailed me saying they wanted me to schedule an interview online, but there were no times available. Today, they sent me another email saying that they still want to interview me. The website for scheduling the interviews is still saying there are no times available. I have been trying to call the HR Dept for over 20 minutes, but no one is answering. Perhaps they are out to lunch, or perhaps the HR Department is just run by robots altogether. I think that this may be the beginning of Sky Net taking over the world.

Maybe Sky Net is hiring?

June 4, 2009

Light Purse, Heavy Heart

Good evening, internet. I'm feeling pretty blue today. It doesn't look like we are going to be able to find a roommate and so my job search continues.

In the meantime I have been trying to do some spring cleaning. If we do end up moving, it will be a lot easier to pack if I go through all of our stuff and get organized.

I'm just trying to stay hopeful. Thanks to everyone who has sent us kind words. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

June 2, 2009

The Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I think there might be a tiny little pin prick light at the end of my foreclosure tunnel. I talked to my dear friend Amy Brown about my little problem and she invited us to come take a look at their rental home. I gave her the full laundry list of reasons why she wouldn't want me to be her tenant, but she seems unfazed. So now we have a place to go if we could only get rid of our current home. Well, there is another catch.

We wouldn't be able to afford the payments on our own. They are just a little bit higher that our condo, but we would still be struggling. So one of two things needs to happen.

1. I need a job
---- or ----
2. We need a roommate

After devoting a year and a half to being a stay-at-home-mom; it would greatly pain me to leave Caleb with someone else, even if it was just part time. I'll do it if I have to, but I'd really like it to be a last resort. (I guess that means I should have made it second on my list, eh?) That leaves us with the alternative... find a roommate.

Who could we possibly trust to live with us now that we have a son? Certainly not our hoodlum friends of yesteryear. Well, who better than family? We are trying to talk my sister into renting the house with us. I really hope that she goes for it, but there are so many variables. She is wanting to change her work to part time and then go to school full time. I am praying that it works out without changing her plans. I told her that I don't want her to feel any pressure or obligation and of course I really mean that. I just hope that it works out for her and for us. That would be ideal.

Only time will tell.

June 1, 2009

The Hard Truth

Internet, there is something I haven't been telling you and I think I need to get this off of my chest. Shawn and I are losing our house due to lack of payment. We are trying to work something out or find a way to avoid foreclosure, but so far it looks like we are going to become a statistic. It is as if one of those horrible news stories about the economy crawled out of our TV and into our lives like that creepy girl in The Ring. No one can help us, we are all alone; and I just don't know what to do.

May 29, 2009

Big Mac Attack

Things are not so good today, Internet. I have Mcdonald's poisoning. I ate a big mac yesterday and by midnight I was having horrible nausea and stomach cramping. By 2 am, Ronald Mcdonald's assault on my digestive track was in full swing.

I threw up all night. Even after my stomach was empty it continued to turn itself inside out. I started chugging water so i would have something to come up. That's a little trick I learned during my pregnancy. It hurts much less when there is something to come up.

Even now, in the afternoon, I am still throwing up and having stomach cramps. The only thing I have been able to keep down so far is a popcicle. That was less than an hour ago so the results are yet to be determined.

I know what you're thinking, Internet. Do not even go there. No. I am not pregnant! There are other symptoms that are CLEARLY food related. If anything, this incident has only solidified in my mind my overwhelming desire to NOT be pregnant.

May 27, 2009


ey there Internet.

Looks like it's just you and me for a while. Shawn went to visit a friend for a couple of hours and I asked him to drop me off at my parents' house. As I mentioned earlier, my parents are on an Alaskan cruise with some of my mom's side of the family. My brother and sister both live here though, so I thought it would be nice to hang out and let Caleb run around in the backyard for a while. Both of those ideas were quickly foiled.

When I got here, my brother Michael and his fiance, Jena were here hanging out and watching TV, but they left after just a few minutes. They invited Caleb and I to tag a long as they were running their errands, but I thought that Caleb would rather play in the backyard. Not long after they left, I found Caleb demolishing a small table top fountain. I call this: Stick a Fork in it; it's Done

******Subject change!******

I have some exciting news for you, Internet! The aforementioned Jena has asked me to be her MAID OF HONOR!!! Oh yeah! That's right! Now instead of being a chunky bride's maid I get to be the real deal; a fat Maid of Honor! Seriously though, I've been doing great on shedding the pounds, so we will see how cute and skinny I get before the wedding. I have a little bit of time considering the date is set for July 2010.

So far I am way on top of my Maid of Honor duties. Jena has already bought her dress! (I'd post a picture of it, but I can't because Michael has been dying to sneak a peek.) Also, she and I set the date, and we have been narrowing down the venue sites to the first few that we want to visit! So exciting! I had already started to plan the bachelorette party - a 3 day weekend in Las Vegas - when Michael suggested that Jena might like a 3 day camping trip more. Well if that is how she is going to be then I have something awesome in store for her! I can't write about it on here though, because I am going to spring it on her as a surprise! Jena, if you're reading this, just know that you are going to have to pack for a longer trip than just 3 measly days!!!

Catch Up

Oh hi, internet, I didn't see you there.

I am still trying to catch up on all of the housework I put off during the 3 day weekend. I just finished up the kitchen and at some point I really should move on to laundry. I won't bore you with the details.

I think Caleb is going through a growth spurt because he won't stop eating. He ate continually from breakfast until lunch and had full meals for both of those. If this is how he eats at a year and a half, I am never going to be able to afford feeding a teenager.

Well, I had better get on with that laundry. Bye, internet.

May 26, 2009


Oh! Internet!

I forgot to tell you that my parents, along with some of my aunts an uncles, are gone on an Alaskan cruise! They left early on Friday morning and they will be back this Friday afternoon. Can you believe the only thing i have heard from them was a text from my dad telling me it was sunny and warm in Juneau? They must really be having a blast!


Dear internet,

I believe that I have neglected to blog about my two new little babies. After about a year of trying, my zebra finches hatched a tiny clutch of two eggs and successfully fledged the babies.

I'm trying to keep the juveniles finger trained, but I am pretty sure it's all in vain. I have to take them out for at least an hour a couple of times a day. If i skip a day, it takes me back several. I skipped yesterday and spent the better part of the mornin trying to coax the younger of the two out from behind the dryer.

I should probably just give up, but I'm not ready to completely admit defeat yet; although I'm sure it's inevitable.

May 25, 2009

Rose Festival

Shawn, Caleb, and I are on our way back home from the rose festival in portland. We got in free today because was in the marine corps. He brought his discharge papers and they let is in for free. Plus, we got to go into the petting zoo for free and they gave us a cup of animal food free.

Caleb had a lot of fun in the petting zoo. He saw sheep, alpacas, bunnies, baby pigs, and goats. oh yeah and two baby cows. I think that the cows and the sheep were his favorites. The cowlings were slobbering all over him and the sheep were kissing his face and knocked him over. We had to pay for the pony ride, but in my opinion it was well worth the price.

Get this - there was a lion at the rose festival! They had an exotic animal exhibit with the usual reptiles and such but they also had a baby lion! It wasn't exactly a baby, but it was a juvenile. It still had spots. The lady that was with it said the lion was a rescue from someone who thought it would be cool to have a lion as a pet. Obviously, it did not work out.

We had such a super time! Caleb played some carnival games and won a little stuffed duck. He was so excited about it that he carried the whole time.

Memorial Day

Hello internet!

I just got back from a glorious bike ride with me dog Chopper. We rode about 3 miles today. we went down the street to a greenway by the house and then rode on some of the trails there. It was so nice to be able to get outside with the dog. I am so glad that the warmer weather is finally here.

After we rode the trails for a while, I stopped by a little creek for Chopper to get a drink of water. Normally, i discourage drinking outdoor water, but Chop just had his giardia booster so i figured he'd be alright. He waded around in the water for a bit and then rested on a bench with me near a duck pond.

It was such a peaceful morning there by the duck pond. I could hear the little birds in the trees tweedle-de-deeing and feel the warm sun and cool breeze. I wish I could take Chop there everyday.

The only reason we were able to go today is because Shawn has the day off of work and he stayed home with Caleb. Shawn hates being outside.

May 24, 2009

Lonely City Planner

I've recently become re-Addicted to Sim City on snes. Part of me knows that it is an incredibly boring waste of time but another part of me is strangely drawn to it. It's just slightly more interactive than TV and about as rewarding, too.

I'm a real sucker for these types of strategy games. I love playing zoo tycoon and civilization as well. I think that makes me a nerd, and not just any nerd, but the kind that is greasy, stinks a little and never gets any dates.

Speaking of dates, I would like to address the issue of me never getting asked out in high school. I have an ongoing theory that it's because I was a tom boy. Alright so I wore a lot of hooded sweatshirts with band names on them. That doesn't mean that I can't clean up alright. Well, you guys all missed out because I'm a wife now and I'm straight up awesome at it.

May 23, 2009


an you believe that I am STILL without a computer? How am I living? My XBOX 360 got the red ring of death and our camera broke as well! If those evil internet ghosts from Pulse attacked I wouldn't be in any danger at all! In an effort to offset the trauma of losing so many devices at once, I put unlimited everything on my cell phone.

I just added my phone to this blog, so I will be able to mobile blog very easily, although I don't know what I will do without spell check! I might have to *gasp* learn! My phone doesn't have the best browser capabilities, but I have been able to get my tweet on. I have been twittering all over the place; from my house, in bed, at the zoo, in the car. You can follow me at www.twitter.com/CrystalBoyes or you can drop me a line and I will follow you... I make a great internet stalker; I know how to keep my distance.

I took Caleb to the zoo with his Uncle Mikey today and we had a great time.  Tomorrow we are going to the Rose Festival.  I have had probably 5 people ask me what I am doing Monday, but I don't have any plans, and I haven't made any either.  (in my head, I just pronounced that EYE-ther - I go back and forth.)

With my new ultra uber dependence on my cell phone, hopefully you will see more blogging from me.  Also, I hope to begin some video blogs with my brah.  Don't hold your breath for that 'cause it's gonna be a while.  

Ooh and I wanted to add:  Now that Big Fat Loser is over we need a new show to watch.  I think I'm going to switch the night to Monday and we can watch I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.  Yes, it is the ultimate in pointless celebreality, but it's inconsequential and that's the best type of show for family TV night.

February 3, 2009

Bad Boy

My dog attacked a kid! He ran over a teeny little girl who couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 years old. He crashed into her, knocking her over and then stood over her snarling.

When I yelled his name he got off and I threw a leash over his head. The little girl was fine, she was only upset from falling on the gravel pathway. Her family had a pitbull also and they were very understanding and blamed it on her running and carrying a toy. I didn't let them pass the blame on her, I knew my dog had been bad and thanked them for their forgiveness.

We left the dog park and went straight to the dog trainer where I explained the situation. They handle behavior issues privately. It starts with a $50 consultation and then it's $80 a session after that. I don't know how I am going to afford that, but it has to be done. It HAS to be done, somehow.

When Shawn starts working, that will have to be the first new bill that we make after we pay the old ones off. Bane has gone too long being afraid of kids for no apparant reason. Some kids he doesn't mind and others he knocks over very roughly.

Thank God Almighty that Bane is good with Caleb. He actually loves Caleb more than anything in the world. I'm so glad for that.

January 31, 2009

I Have No Computer

OH EM GEE! My comptuer is DEAD! I just can't bring myself to re-blog about it so you're going to have to read about it here. On my mamapotamus blog.

January 23, 2009


et me catch you up on quiet a few things... First off, and probably the biggest thing going on in my life right now, is that Caleb has peed in the potty TWICE. We have yet to accomplish putting poops in the potty, but we are going to try that today after nap time. Provided that he doesn't stealth poop before I can get in there, as has been the story for the last couple of days and is highly likely.

In other news: Last Friday, Shawn's employer, Bank of Clark County, was seized by the FDIC as a failed bank. You can read about it on their webpage by clicking here. Since then, he has been a "contract employee" of the FDIC helping to switch over the old bank to Umpqua bank. This has meant long hours, and at one time, up to 6 stressed out bosses all telling him to do different things at the same time. Up until yesterday, we were unsure how long he would remain employed. Umpqua interviewed him for an unknown position that he could take after the switch was finalized.

Fortunately, the day before learning that the bank was bombing, he received an email from a friend letting him know that they were looking for an independent contractor to do deliveries around the Portland area. Another fortunate turn of events, an old friend of Shawn's is the manager of the same company! So, Shawn met with him yesterday and the job is his if he wants it; and he DOES! I'm glad we got that sorted.

Shawn and I took Caleb to the pet store yesterday. He does this little bouncing wiggle that we call "The Hamster Dance" whenever he sees a hamster. It always makes us want to get one for him. I've had hamsters in the past and as cute as they may be, they are not really my thing. In order to have a happy hamster you have to spend a lot of time with it, let it out of the cage, play with it and hold it while it pees all over you and your furniture. Otherwise, if the hamster is not your furry little friend, what you have is a furry little captive.

I just can't devote my time to a hamster like that, I am lucky if I get to make my own bed in the morning, let alone change out a hamster's cage. Also, we have 2 dogs, 2 birds, and turtle already, we don't need to add anything to the mix. We decided to reassess the situation near his birthday / Christmas and see how things are at that time. All I can tell you is, the future is not furry for our family.

January 16, 2009

How My Blog Got It's Name

his is the true story about where I got the name for my blog. This was the first time I ever saw Paul F. Tompkins, many, many years ago & very, very late at night on Comedy Central Presents. Now I get to see him every Friday on Best Week Ever. He's the funniest man alive, and he grows an amazing beard if I do say so myself; and I do.

January 15, 2009

Ten Long Years

aleb is walking. He doesn't know that I see him. If he knew, he wouldn't be walking. He really doesn't like it very much. Crawling is much faster, and that is how the dogs walk, so it's okay by him. I noticed that he was walking on his own a little bit more yesterday. Normally, he will crawl everywhere, even if it is just a foot or two away. More recently, he has been "driving" his car where ever he wants to go. Any day now he is going to stop crawling. I better get some more video while I have the chance.

The Slim fast diet is going great so far today. I do miss eating food and we are only a two days in. I am going to try to skip my snacks and just drink flavored water to curb my appetite until tonight because....... It's my anniversary!

Some people might think it's silly that Shawn and I still acknowledge our first date anniversary, but I don't. We dated for like almost 5 years before we got married, so you really don't see the whole scope of things if I say, "Shawn and I have been married for almost 5 years." Today is our 10 year anniversary! As Shawn and I have been saying to one another today, "Ten loooooooong years!" Hehehe

Shawn wants to go out to dinner with family either tonight or tomorrow, or both! I'll have to exercise a lot of restraint and also make some healthy choices while we are out. Eating out is just a part of life, and it is going to have to be a part of my diet plan as well. I guess I will just have to see my personal trainer, Jillian Michaels, today. I saw her yesterday and she made me do all kinds of horrible things, like jumping jacks and push ups. I can't wait to see what she has in store for me today.

January 14, 2009

Temptation Island

henever Shawn and I see a commercial, he will usually tell me that it didn't work. That is to say, that whatever the ad geniuses were trying to make him want, he doesn't want it. No commercial, he claims, has ever swayed him. Well, except for those funny little PC vs. Mac commercials. He likes those. Our next lap top will be a Mac because of them. I'm sure whoever heads up that advertising team makes a good deal of money.

I, on the other hand, and deeply persuaded by commercials. Namely, fast food commercials. More specifically, Burger King commercials. I don't know what it is, but something about the way they show those Whoppers with the meat sweat dripping off of them makes me want to drive down the road and get one.

Tonight during American Idol, (Yay for Jason Castro's brother) Burger King was airing commercials for this angry hamburger. OMGsh have you seen it? There are fried onions, jalapenos, and pepper jack cheese on it. Spicy hot meaty goodness on a bun... I was falling for it hook, line, and sinker! I had to text Janell and have her talk me through it! That's right, I had to call a PREGNANT LADY and have her talk me out of my own craving! She told me to drink a glass of water and eat a carrot! Sounds like tough love to me!

Eventually, I worked through the craving successfully, but mostly because I was too tired and lazy to get in the car and go to BK for an after dinner snack er... dinner. A second dinner. I almost had a second dinner! What the heck is wrong with me? I'm such a big fat pig!

Anyway, longish story shortish; I didn't get the burger, I drank water and ate carrots. I stayed within my calorie range for the day. The Slim Fast Diet day one was a success, although I don't know if you know this, but Slim Fast makes your pee smell funny. That's alright though. Janell ate asparagus last night, so her pee smells funny, too.


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